I started playing this online game 6 years ago. I was competitive and wanted to get better so I would play alot and try to beat others. But I would mostly be ignored. I had a really feminine name in game which was unintentional. I genuinely thought it was a cool name but evidently it was really feminine as all these dudes would ask me if I was a girl.
It must have been the attention but I said I was a girl. Then one of the best players at the time mentored me and played with me everyday. I would get better at the game really quickly, and call him things like senpai and use cute text emojis that I saw girls use. After a year he would ask me to add him on socials but I would decline and make up some random excuse.
Anyways at this point in time I was probably an above average player purely because I spent much of my time on it.
There was this other player who was considered top 15 at the time in 1v1s. I also catfished him and told him I was a girl. Basically the entire server knew me as a girl and I used girly skins. But the thing is I saw other people develop friendships and take their friendships elsewhere outside of the game. They would add on social media and player together and play wars together, take over servers together, voice call, share selfies.
I couldn’t do that because my whole identity was fake. I really hated it and the thing is that I was already so high level I didn’t even think of revealing who I was or starting a new account. I was scared all the people I made friendships with and played with and had as rivals would despise me.
But eventually I wanted to be myself and drop the act so I started a new account and had a new name and everything. But one of the players I had as a rival found out instantly and told everyone in the server who I was. I denied it and everything but they were too sharp.
So I tried again afterwards, creating a new account but then the same person realised somehow and told the entire server again. I began to despise him for uncovering me. But at this point that person still thought I was a girl. The only problem was that the person was the then top 3 best player and was well respected, and very socially active on the game.
So I went back to my main account. Then I quit.
I returned after a year and things had changed. Many of the original players had quit but that player was still playing and was now the best player in the server. So I couldnt even drop my act. I still had to fake being a girl. And then soon the new era players began to know me as a girl.
The reason why I couldnt reveal myself was because q long time ago the player that kept finding me out, I had flirted with them out of boredom. I was too embarrassed to reveal myself.
Fast forward to today, some original players returned and we began to play. I am now the best player in my server and am well respected. But I’m still a girl.
I don’t even tell people I’m a girl but people keep asking me my gender. I even changed my name to a less feminine name. But the other players always make sure to mention my old name and say I’m a girl.
Published at Thu, 14 Jan 2021 06:54:01 +0000