I was really into freerealms in middle school (a kid mmo) and it got shut down my 8th grade year and I needed to find a replacement. I didn’t have much friends so a lot of my social interaction outside of school happened online. I hadn’t discovered Xbox live yet. I started playing this game imvu not knowing how adult it was. I played as a girl for a while, I liked dressing her up and didn’t talk to many people on there, and eventually decided I wanted to make a dude avatar to dress up. I did that, and eventually ran into this girl who I think was like 16/17. She asked if I was a guy and I went with it. We ended up hanging out becoming friends. Then she started flirting with me. Me, a dumb middle schooler who likes attention, went with it. Eventually she asked to see a picture of me, and I sent her a picture of some guy I knew around her age. I had crossed so many lines, tho I don’t think I understood just how many at the time. I don’t remember how long it went on, maybe a month maybe several, but she opened up to me about depression etc and I gave her advice. I did care for her as a person because of this. So much so it even confused me to the point I questioned if I could like girls (I don’t). We would hang out all the time in the game and text chat outside of imvu tho I don’t remember how much. I don’t remember if it got as far as her saying she loved me, it might’ve. I don’t remember if I said it back. Eventually I felt really bad and told her my gender and age. She was hurt and we stopped talking after that. She also told everyone we both knew on the game and I just stopped playing in general.
I haven’t thought about this in years, but I have major anxiety and depression issues that recently spiked and started digging deep into my conscious for all the negative things I’ve done, and I just have been feeling really shit about it. There’s no way to contact her to properly apologize, and telling people around me to get it off my chest would be weird to randomly bring up and I feel like they would judge me, because I judge me.
Published at Wed, 10 Jun 2020 20:07:09 +0000