I was young and in love with someone who did not believe it was necessary to disclose that she had one of the high-risk forms of HPV (16 or 18). She told me shortly after we broke up, and years later I find out she left me with a gift which has exhibited physical symptoms for the last 5 years – and will likely continue to get worse until it gives me cancer.
I’m a pretty good looking guy, fairly successful, and have grown to be the kind of person I always aspired to be – patient, thoughtful, and understanding (most of the time, definitely not perfect). However.. I personally know that with the options I HAD available to me, I would have literally never stayed with someone who was positive because it would inevitably lead to my contraction and the possibility of passing it to our children.
Because of this.. I honestly do not think it matters how hard I work to improve myself because the type of person I would want to marry would likely have similar feelings towards me.
I’m not even 30 and I’ve been celibate for the last 5 years. I’ve tried dating.. but because I believe that I have a moral obligation to disclose my status prior to having sex (especially because of the high transmission rate).. every attempt has slipped through my fingers.
People always say “Well if X person loves you, they won’t care” – but it is proving next to impossible to develop those feelings without physical intimacy and frankly I am unsure I would even want to risk infecting someone I love.
My biggest hope in life has been to become a father and husband… but now it feels as though my biggest fear in life is coming true – not becoming either.
I don’t know how to move past this.. and I don’t know how to cope. Any advice is truly appreciated.
Published at Fri, 08 Nov 2019 09:39:53 +0000