To start this post off – I want to say I extremely regret what I did but I can’t take it back now. This was never meant to turn into anything more than a friendship.
I am extremely insecure, and for good reason – I’m not very attractive, I’d rate myself a 3-4/10 at best.
I met someone via an online game who shares all the same interests as me, grew up on the video game together as weird as that sounds. I’ve known him for 3 and a half years now.
Well.. to get to the catfishing part. I sent this person edited/photoshopped pictures of me. I am really not comfortable about using my own face because of low self esteem and bullying/comments I’ve been told my whole life. I’m now 22, which is extremely sad and weird, I know. All this was meant to be is a friendship in which we will never meet anyways. I just wanted to feel comfortable enough to have ‘friends’ online who didn’t exactly judge me. I used my own photos, but, I edited them, and a lot. I went from maybe a 3-4/10 to a 7.5/10. I removed my ugly big nose and big chin and forehead into something cute using facetune. The same goes for body pictures.. I’m not fat, although I used to be, but, I edited my body to look a lot better than it is.
After talking over the phone and over games, and sharing almost every detail of our lives with eachother over the past year or so, he admitted how much he likes me and that he wants to meet me. That was 6 months ago. I could have fessed up then, but falling for him so hard I couldn’t bare the thought. Stupid, stupid me.
Now, we talk every day and I’m desperately in “love” with this person who doesn’t even live far from me. We could easily be together, but I lied about how I look. Honestly, I want to and need to tell him. I will tell him and this is why I am posting here. He wants to meet me and is super serious about it. He asks to video call me a lot and I just tell him I’m too insecure…which, well, I am, but obviously the photos are the issue. He also asks when we are going to meet and wants to plan it.
I promise you, this wasn’t meant to be anything more than a friendship. I didn’t mean to start caring about this person so fucking much and in this way. I edited my pictures out of insecurity and now I totally fucked myself over. I wish i could re-meet him and give him real photos of myself. I’m so alone in the real world I just wanted friends….I wish i could take this back.
I need to tell him, he’s the one person other than my family who I care about the most. He will probably not want to talk to me after this but it needs to be done. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and it’s going to fucking hurt, but I did this and I need to face the consequences. I lied to him and I couldn’t admit it but it’s all coming to head now. The guilt and the lies are piling up.
If anyone has any advice for me, I’d appreciate it so fucking much…. I’m so broken over this and it’s my own fault. I am fully prepared for this person to hate me and to move on with their life but I cannot keep lying as it is eating me up inside and I can’t bare to hurt them anymore. I wish every single day I could just be the edited version of me in the photos. I would genuinely have the love of my life.
tldr; I facetuned/photoshopped my photos to an extreme extent, face and body, out of insecurity (NOT looking for anything more than gaming friends)… turned out I fell for someone and they fell for the facetuned/photoshopped pictures of me. They want to desperately meet me and I need to confess. Most likely going to break their heart and mine. For all that it’s worth I take full responsibility for my actions.
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Published at Sat, 24 Jul 2021 11:23:54 GMT