My now ex girlfriend lied to me about her age. We’re 3 years and 7 months apart. Doesn’t sound that bad right? I’m 15 turning 16 in September. And She’s 12 not turning 13 until March of next year. I found out 4 days ago. I found out because of my friend. I found out through my friend. Who found a friend of her’s account who’s bio said 2009. I pressured her. And she told me. I felt disgusted in myself. I blocked her on everything. I felt a despair that I’m sure a few on this subreddit have experienced. Betrayal, despair, disgust. We were together for a little over a yeat. We met online. I saw her face, I heard her voice. She looked 15. We were both “teens”. We both told eachother things. We both sent eachother things. And now it all comes flooding back. Everything I said. Everything she told me. I hate it. I hate how I feel. I was in love with her. My words can’t describe the pain I feel. The worst part is the mix of emotions in my heart. You can’t stop loving someone that quickly. I’m still in love with her. I’m in love with the person she was. If she really was 15 it would be different. Why is it that number makes me feel this way. She looks the same. She is the same. Just that one fucking number. And I know it sounds like Im trying to justify it. Im not. I feel disgusted. I feel sick. I feel hatred for myself for doing the things I did. I feel like a shit human being. I want to go back to her. This wouldn’t matter if we were both in our 20’s but what the fuck am i supposed to do when we’re 18 and 14. I’m not a fucking sicko. But I can’t get rid of how I feel. I wish I were dead.
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Published at Wed, 21 Jul 2021 06:28:01 GMT